I feel like we met each other halfway of our destination. We were never meant to end with each other. And we knew it. We still fell for each other and we still cherish each and every moment like it was going to be the last one. I should have told you I loved you that one last day we say “good bye, see you next week”. It almost slipped through the tip of my tongue into your ear, like a whisper, I swear you weren’t even going to be able to hear it until later in the day. Like, it would sink slightly into your brain, and then you would’ve asked me if it was true and I would’ve answered you that it was as true as the rise of the frequency in the beats of my heart everytime I say your name, as true as my tears whenever I thought of losing you, I would’ve told you it was as true as my laugh whenever you said a really really bad joke. You weren’t going to say it back just yet, and I would’ve been totally fine with that. Because I knew what I felt about you and I would’ve been so happy that you finally knew it too. I was sure we had a long long path way ahead of us. I was so sure of us, of you. I was so sure of my passion, admiration and love towards you that I never doubted we weren’t going to get through all of these. I felt like you were asking me to end this, I felt it everytime you told me I didn’t respect your time and your space, and I felt it everytime you toldme I wasn’t supportive. I felt like you were telling me “I want to break up”, maybe I shouldn’t have listened that far, I shouldn’t have told you what I felt. You said you break right there. I was already broken, you never knew. I never gave you the chance to fix it.I was trying to fix it myself. You were so busy I never meant to bother you with my childish and overwhelming feelings.
I feel like I should apologize for loving you too much and too fast. But I couldn’t help it. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I had protected myself from you. But you were so different at the beginning. Maybe you stopped loving me. It’s ok, I get it.
I miss you every single day because for me you were really the best person in every single universe that could possibly exist. And I really really hope we never cross each other paths again, not in this life, not in the others, and in no other universe and dimension. Because my heart will not remember you and it will let you in, just like it did in this life and I wish I hadn’t. Because I could deal with the fact of me loving you more than you loved me, I knew that a long time before we broke up, but I couldn’t deal with your indifference and your big ego not letting you love me at all. So no, I was never going to be in the same rythm as you, because you were too slow. And I was too fast, you would’ve never catch me. I was just moving forward despite my fears, despite my pain, and you were so involved in yourself and in your “independence” that you were stuck in the same place you’ve been for years. You realized that, so you just let me go. Thank you for that. Thank you for knowing I was ahead of you. Your excuses will always be that I demanded too much time for you and that I didn’t respect any of your space and time and I wasn¿t there for you, but you just made me aside, you pushed me away, I wasn’t giving you space, you were forcing me to give it. You will never see this, not even feeling my abscence everyday will you realize all of this. And I’m dealing with that, because it hurts knowing you never knew who I was. When you left I knew perfectly well what I was losing and who I was letting go, I was in pain knowing you and letting you go. I made my peace with it.
Te quiero siempre.